Understanding Bitchy Men Syndrome

I really do think it is time to fully embrace my relationship status in public (well, to those very few of you who read my blog, ha) Unlike Beyonce, I am indeed a very single lady, and no....I shan't be putting my hands up and dancing in some club to announce it, not that there are many clubs in Dubai...Instead, I shall be feeling very smug about the fact that actually single life can be brilliant and fab at times as well...*SERIOUSLY*

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From all this fab-me time I've obviously been having alone by myself. I have had time to think. And ponder. And I've come to this question. Why is it that some boys are just massive dickheads?

And the truth is, there is only one explanation for this: BITCHY MEN SYNDROME. There lies no other explanation - any other explanation simply doesn't make sense. For example, you can't just say boys are dickheads and justify that with 'because they are' because firstly, that is a terrible justification making you seem a bit obnoxious and secondly, this contradicts everything you have ever been taught (you known the: ''everybody has some good in them'', ''they are kind deep inside'' nonsense you were always taught)....SOME BOYS JUST DON'T HAVE ANY GOOD IN THEM. They may be beautiful, but their eyelashes are in fact, as black as their soul and as long as the list of people that don't like them.

Bitchy Men Syndrome is in fact the only real explanation we can give to these beautiful men. What is it you may ask? It is literally what it sounds like, some boys are just bitches - its just something your born with that peaks when your about 10 and never goes away. Well, maybe it does...maybe some boys become a lot nicer when they become fathers or get married or something gooey and mushy like that, when they finally 'become a man'  - ha!

Boys affected with Bitchy Men Syndrome, tend to be very attractive, very intelligent but remain bitches despite their education and everything they have ever been taught but we must stress that they are very attractive. Take this real life example to heart, a friend of mine bumped into a boy  dickhead, and then soon came across some girls pretending to faint and the sight of this 'incident', ''You are so lucky, I wish I had too bumped into him'' they all said in unison...clearly captivated and blinded by the attractiveness that the Bitchy Men Syndrome had given him, and unable to notice what a dickhead he really was. Fools.

I do hope that none of us fall into this trap...it happens for too frequently and I fear I may too become a victim of the Bitchy Men Syndrome. I fear I may too, become a fool. Does that mean we should only date boys that are *gulp* under 6 foot...? No no, what a preposterous thought I just had, anyone under 6 foot ain't getting under me...

Joking aside, I really do hope none of us actually end up dating bitchy bastard men and stay with them because they are beautiful...that would be an exceedingly unfortunate event.

Have probably sounded a bit cynical (not all men are bastards!)
I do hope you still love me.

Hannah
xx

Battling the obsticle of the fitness blues

Alas it is February, a good solid month and a bit since you first set your February resolutions. And of course, you are either soaring, very exuberant with your new found healthy lifestyle: exercising 3 hour every day, having sex for AT LEAST 4 hours every night and you are of course having home cooked healthy under 300 calorie meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. OR you are sitting in your bed right now – feeling FAT and MISERABLE being your usual wonderfully hateful self, cursing at yourself and your failed resolutions and how that in fact, you wouldn't even mind having sex for four hours every night...except that nobody really wants to sleep with you. It’s either between these options or that...in fact, you did not keep any resolutions because you knew that it was inevitable that you would not keep any of them – but you are very able to have sex with any man because you are a goddess (of course).

It’s February and...I...well failed myself, consecutively now for 5 bloody years...and screw unrealistic New Year resolutions. Make February resolutions. And it's still winter after all, something to be a little happy about. There is little to be happy about any more and life seems very bizarre but do you know what isn't at all bizarre: EXERCISE. Do it!!! Do it!!! Say no to obesity and high blood pressure and get a lovely bum...I can honestly feel exhilaration rushing through my anaemic veins right now just thinking about the rear of the year you could achieve, dude. It’s hard and difficult to be dedicated to fitness, loving your body and all that crap but it really is worth it...at sixteen (basically, c'mon I know it’s a month man till I am actually 16 why do you have to be so goddamn fussy), as I was saying at sixteen...naive, stupid and only bearing one piercing in my ears , I can say from my very little experience in this world...or my ‘little bubble’ as I have not actually set foot in the ‘real world’, that exercise is the best most wonderful thing you can give to your body. It really really really is.  I know a lot of people say a whole load about loving your body...and while that is too important, do it so you can live longer and live longer without diseases and disorders...be healthy! Don’t cash in on your high metabolism... (If you’re lucky enough to have it), just because it doesn't show doesn't mean you are healthy and ‘fit’...and while we all joke about being ‘lazy fat slobs’ – it’s quite frankly, disgusting. It is disgusting to be lazy, to not care for your body!

I think the most exciting things to do, that also happens to be exercise (lmao) which is also exceedingly therapeutic...is...swinging, on swings (ha!). I love swinging, if I had a swing I would spend all my free time on it, doing my homework, thinking, writing...god knows what...I have had a free-spiritedly weird infatuation with swings when I was younger...it’s somewhat a bit like flying...coinciding with the pilot dream. But walking is also fab, walking is actually beyond fab especially if it’s on the beach, or if it’s windy and chilly but not too chilly but the kind of chilly that is still bearable and has a breeze and it absolutely delicious? Also marvy trainers are always a wonderfully massive motivator to beat the fitness blues. Think bright pink and green with zebra spots and little pictures of pancakes on the straps.

Anyway...it’s a choice that one must make themselves. And although, it is very tempting right now to  have some ravioli, I will beat this temptation...

Hmmmm...The things I do for my health.

Hannahxx

Understanding the many chronicles of 'body love'.

I guess I should really start this off with saying that if one more person says anything about how society MAKES girls want to look like the girls in the magazines, I will cry. To be quite honest, I have NEVER understood this concept. I DON'T understand this concept and I WILL NEVER understand this concept. Okay, I actually do understand this concept and I see where people are coming from, but...(Aha!) surely people have a mind and will think to themselves ''But I can't look identically like her because my chromosomes haven't combined in the same way hers have, and that's okay because nobody looks the same!''...? No? Well, if not you have failed. Because, that is what you must think from now one, child. Not all this hocus pocus about society...I really think the word 'society' is overused but not said with any meaning, if you get what I mean. Why is it that this so-called society tends to get all the blame for all of life's problems. Who the fuck even is society? Why haven't we got rid of society if it just fucks with us all the time...and then you realise (some deep philosophical shit coming up next)...we are society *mind blown*. Am I right? Tell me you love me and that I'm right because, in all seriousness, I am. We make up society, so society really is what you personally make of it...because life is what you make out of it...so I would really not pay attention to all this bullshit society talk and start taking responsibility for your own life and stop blaming poor old society. I think it's had enough shit already man. Blame yourself. Jeez. Louise.

Anyway, I don't know if you've been living in a cave for the last 3 years or not...but, there has been all these  campaigns spreading awareness on...''Body confidence'' and ''Body love''...and I don't mean to sound like a cynical bitch but I think it's all ridiculous in a way really. Don't get me wrong, I think it’s a wonderful thought but the delivery is off I think, personally. ''Love your body'' ''Be confident'' ''Tell yourself you love you and chant your best qualities three times a day...'' - All a bit cringe and ineffective I think. Of course, some cheesy romantic will, take this so-called 'life' lesson to heart and stand in front of their bathroom mirror telling themselves how beautiful they are...and do you know what? Good for them! But for the majority of us...well, how do I put in nicely really? I think it's just a bloody waste of time. Good lord. It will probably go something like this: You open your magazine, you will see a beautiful woman telling you to not compare yourself to other (quite rightly so) and to love your body. Okay...you will think to yourself ''Ye sure I love myself'' and then you will take a shower, accidentally peep at your reflection in the bathroom mirror and cry at your body and wish you were Miranda Kerr. And that's how it will go because it is reality and nobody truly loves their body...we should...but not all of us are pretentious mother fuckers who exude vanity. We are (let’s face it) hateful human beings who in fact, do not love our bodies all the time. We wish we did. But we don't. And that is the sad sad truth of it.

And do you know what. Good. That's how it’s really supposed to be. We can try and we can fail to love our bodies. But everyone's the same. And we can be hateful together! In all seriousness though, I think that we should try to love our bodies, but I think it's really bloody hard especially if you're a very self-critical person....which let’s face it, is everyone. So we set ourselves goals, pamper ourselves, spend money buying all sorts of god-knows what to make ourselves prettier and so we can love ourselves more. And do you know what. Fab. That is what we should be doing. But I think the most wonderful thing our hateful selves should do to avoid the dark side of body love...is to stop worrying about what we look like (AS MUCH)- *reality guys, always factor in reality*) and worry more about being a nice person because really that's all we have control over in our lives and I think a nice person is truly, the prettiest person and the true epitome of body love.

And with that I am going to stuff down a whole bowl of pasta,

Good luck and I hope you still love me.

Hannah

xo

Holiday

Holidays may possibly be the best thing that could have ever happened to mankind. The best type of school is no school and the ability to watch Don Jon whenever we want to. Anyhow does nobody else get embarrassingly excited to let your skin 'breathe' and not have to wear make-up or letting your eyes 'rest' and not giving a rats arse about putting in your lenses in!? I CERTAINLY DO...I feel as though, this is God's gift to humanity.
(Just a heads up: Don Jon is actually a really rude film and the nudity is a bit much...but I watched it recently and was inclined to share it with you sorry, I really am). But if you still want to watch it, watch it with a bowl of pasta in your lap and ALONE *VERY IMPORTANT* ).

I think what people who have jobs forget, is that school is stressful as well! You have to climb the stress ladder before you can full on grow up and survive on your terms and be independent blah blah....But I must say I do feel happy and content at school, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a little bubble...distant from what people call the 'real world'. My bubble, however, was briefly popped twice, both when I got off my arse I got myself some work experience - what a pile of rubbish I got myself into I think to myself on a regular basis. I'm actually quite frightened about the whole prospect of growing up. I'm REALLY excited to drive and get myself a job and all that...but I would miss having lunch and dinner made for me. I absolutely bloody hate cooking and I cannot think of anything worse than cooking for myself. Goodness, perhaps I really ought to start cooking at home now (I have been convincing myself that fifteen is far too young to be cooking consistently and now I'm nearly 16 and the only 'dish' I can make is an omelette).

Most people I know have decided to go skiing which sounds fab if only I could ski? Ha! Which leaves me pretty much alone in Dubai...which isn't such a bad thing considering that I will be leaving this year...It's nice to know that I can spend some much deserved time here (alone,who cares though) It gives me time to think and enjoy Dubai  life...will probably pop down to the beach soon and take some pictures.  I LOVE IT HERE but I ALSO LOVE ENGLAND...so I win even both ways if I stay or don't stay.

What are your plans for this week?

Hannah
xo

Update: Have changed my mind on the whole A-levels decision...Going to live my life as a perpetual sugar atom after all and am taking Chemistry. Send me roses because I'm entering hell and need some final good vibes to grasp on to, so I can remember the fab times.

Understanding queue jumping

I should begin this post by saying when people say that short people are closer to the ground and therefore, closer to Satan, they are correct. 100% correct. I am small, and whenever I am at the canteen at my school endeavouring to pick up some processed garbage *sigh* - I am always always always shoved out of the way and trampled on the floor.

Feeling quite sad because I am tiny, and beside me there are 6 foot 3 boys with wavy brown hair and green eyes ''Uh....pizza thanks'' they say in their deep deeeeeep voices..and since I'm basically a plastic human bag....nobody seems to notice me and cuts in. Yes, that's the sad sad truth, I am so small...nobody SEES ME. So I have come to the conclusion, that if they cannot see me, they could probably HEAR me if I tried to be heard. It  makes sense if you think about it, like if you're blind you tend to have better hearing because you are more reliant on your other four senses? Well, in a similar way I guess you could apply the same logic. I'm not really very rude at all though so I think I would possibly feel a bit odd and a bit strange fighting for my place in the queue of the canteen, in actual fact I think it's rather ridiculous to put all my might and effort just so I can leave the canteen five minutes earlier? Is it really worth it...being the bitch of the canteen? I have no idea. Is. It. Worth. It. 

With me though, it seems like I only can work at extremes. I am either a shy polite pushover who allows people to trample all over me in the quest to be nice OR  a mean bitch with a foul mouth in the name of standing up for myself. Gahhh why is this so hard? All I want to do is wait for my disgusting pizza without some incompetent fool not being able to wait in line (in his rightful place). I hate queue cutters, nobody seems to care about this though, so it's really one man for himself. So to fight the animals you have to be an animal and basically in theory you must SAY SOMETHING or DO SOMETHING to show that you HAVE THE RIGHT as A PERSON to be in a situation. But I am rather bamboozled myself, what would a civilised person do you do in this situation? I quite frankly have no clue....Personally, from experience saying nothing to queue jumpers feels pretty fucking crap. But I also think that being rude would still make you feel pretty crap and the person cutting in feeling crap as well...and they most likely will not stop cutting in regardless of your rude animalistic cries towards them You know what they say...once you cut in line, you will always cut in line - nobody has actually ever said this, but I shall make it a point to get this a well-known kiss-arse quote. But, this is a rather good point I guess, what you have to realise is although, you don't owe anybody your courtesy or your kindness...being rude is an awful trait to be quite frank. And I think personally, mustering up the strength NOT to say anything is a much more gallant thing to do than actually saying something...In my opinion, this could be seen as quite cowardly and lame to others but I think being nice is a far more wonderful thing to be then being rude.

And with that thought, I shall leave, gather my thoughts and cry over my wonderful lasagne I had for supper yesterday, was deliciously marvy in all the best ways,

Shall leave you to do what you normally do when queue cutters cut in, or not? 

Hannah

xo

Happy bloody Valentines day

Its 10:30am on a Friday and am at home and still in pyjamas and have not received any chocolate nor any other sentimental crap that couples give each to other and I honestly, don't careeee. I'm not a cynical bitch nor incredulous, or anything of that sort, just feeling a bit 'meh' towards the whole prospect of V-day. So have been spending my day stalking aviation blogs (freak) and salivating over dinner (pasta with white sauce and JUMBO shrimps)....I was a bit lame yesterday too, at school the charity committee were selling roses to give to your 'loved ones'...I did receive one from my friend, ha! But I was rather lame and feeling hysterical so decided to get myself none other than a rose:

To Hannah,

You make fetch happen

From your other 1/2

And nobody was the slightest dubious....little did they no (of course)!

At least I don't have to worry about choosing to wear between a beige or a black lace bra (although I probably wouldn't mind that challenge)... am still very content with my lovely black large knickers thank you very much. And the only relationship I am having currently is a relationship with my pasta.  And here comes the cheese to the mac: Word of advice if you are single and you are feeling rather...'hefty' DO NOT stare at your belly and poke it about and then become despondent about the fact you look pregnant... and how in actual fact that is ironic because in fact, nobody WANTS to impregnate you...No!! Instead, go for a run and work your arse off because tis life and life is bloody fucking Valentine's day everyday - that doesn't excrete any logic....butttttt (haha poo jokes are still fab) (if you didn't get that I part of me will have died but I am special still I will chant to myself) DO YOUR SELF A FAVOUR and don't listen to this  crap and the forever alone nonsense going around and eat your mac and cheese and drink your skimmed milk in your large black knickers and feel bloody well pleased with your fucking life because who else will?

Now it is the time to get on with my fairly large and copious amounts of never ending revision for my mocks.... Also was feeling  in the 'mood' so organised my stationary...which was a overdue I must say.

Think I am going to be good today and although inhaling sugar and drowning yourself in vodka is acceptable today and today only, my 'logic' tells me otherwise...in realityit is ''bloody fucking Valentine's day everyday'' so will leave that to the week between my GCSES...the sugar inhaling not the vodka. 

xoxo

Nattering away...

One two three not only you and me, got 180 degrees and I'm caught in between.

Don't fret, I'm not being inappropriate or even the slightest alluring rather my brain has decided to have Britney on repeat for the last 48 hours and I am subsequently going mad. I think it's my punishment for leaving my homework  for Greys Anatomy and crap last night...and tonight....and the night before that. I love you Britney, but please. No more threesoming, I can't take it. Why was I even allowed to listen to this when I was younger?

I am currently lying ever so slightly vertically in my bed and loving, I repeat loving the Greys Anatomy Marathon I've got going on. I forgot how much I love having the ability to lie in bed whilst watching television without the fear that your laptop will set fire to your precious bedding. Anyone else here suffered third degree burns as a result of an unsuccessful marathon? I admit my laptop does overheat but it's not quite evil enough to scar your skin, although it is hot enough to effectively balance on your stomach and relieve period pain. I feel my singleton forever alone behaviour really does go unappreciated sometimes...

 I do wonder how I've managed 11 years of education given the exceedingly small attention spam I behold. Take this blog post for example, it has no real purpose or content and basically doesn't really make any sense whatsoever. I am merely nattering away to myself. 

I hope you still love me though

I'm off eat a bar of chocolate and then off to watch the next few episodes . Party hard kids! 

''It's time to grow the hell up, Hannah'' They said, lovingly of course.

God lord have had a quite strange couple of months really and am quite confused, probably the reason as to why I have been listening to Pixie Lott on repeat a lot (ha) lately....Bringing back such wonderful memories from my past 11 year old life...ahh. Anyway, have had possibly, or what has seemed like...a thousand bloody panic attacks about my A-level choices. Good grief....I don't think I have EVER been so terrified in my life and so have found myself constantly running up to the nearest sixth former I can find and stuttering trying to ask sensible yet exceedingly specific questions, failing of course, and desperately trying to find a reason to take Chemistry, even the slightest of a reason would have made me run and completely change my mind and re-think all my options! Although, I must say...I really do hate Chemistry and my sixth form life would possibly feel very much like the life of a perpetual sugar atom if I did take it....wondering aimlessly in the valley of doom or whatever, I don't really know what happens after year 11...and quite frankly,I think the surprise of this daunting prospect would be much better left to when I am actually IN sixth form...because I needn't need to worry about anything else right now as my GCSES are in...78 days...which isn't even 3 months and I have an awful lot of work that I SHOULD be doing...ha ha I can almost feel my osmo-receptors sending electrical ''fuck life'' pulses to my brain.

I repeat again my GCSES are in 78 days. And what have I been doing for the last year you may ask or even today, no I was quite good today, ahh but last Tuesday...yes yes...Oh I was just 'catching up' on 7 years of Greys Anatomy in the space of 3 months *successful of course* - but simultaneously putting a complete and utter disgrace to not only my unfinished homework BUT my skin...don't think after 5 hours of sleep my 50 shades of grey under my eyes would feel very grateful if we made it 51 shades of grey, now would we?

My days these couple of weeks have basically consisted of me waking up in the morning and looking on bloody prospects  trying to find some sort of meaning I can give to my adult life....Constantly doubting my aeronautical engineering dream before becoming a pilot...and then me begging my mother to tell me exactly which A-levels I should pick, then me asking my friends, random sixth formers, my teachers and then sort of developing a sort of ''let life unravel with all that it brings'' attitude before having some sort of fit and then crying over attractive boys whilst stuffing my face in pasta....and that is really all to it. That is really all to my days lately. And so my life as a stupid 15 year old girl continues who, by the way, has decided to take Physics, Maths, Biology and English Literature accompanied by tears and a big bum....

If only I could be be paid to blog about my 'exciting' life (ha ha). Wouldn't that be marvy....However, that would possibly make me ever so slightly forever alone...sorry this is early should this have waited until Friday? V-days is going to be a marvellous evening spent with my laptop in a 180 degree angle....or lying horizontally (no other way to put it really I'm afraid). Also if I were paid to blog, then I fear that I would become a cat lady even though I don't think that would be the wisest compromise for a man, if I ever do end up picking a cat over a boy though, please slap me across the face several times....I feel as though that would be the nicest action to take. Sharp and ruthless just how I like my Mac and Cheese.

....but should I take Chemistry??? Maybe a perpetual sugar atom life isn't too bad after all. No no no Hannah! Or is it? 

xxx