Teary whilst phoning?

This is actually quite embarrassing but I think I must have the worst phone anxiety to have ever existed. It's not that I am terrified of telephones itself but talking to people over the phone may be literally one of the most terrifying things ever.

I don't think I have it as abysmal as I used to, but it became such a hassle in life. It was as if I really couldn't have a proper conversation over the phone? Weird I know...but at least it is (sort of) in the past. Update on 27/07/15 : it is very much still a reoccurring anxiety, I'm afraid. 

Relatives speaking to me in another language might be the worst. The mixture of a strange words that I can barely understand, the crappy phone reception and the slow buzz of the phone next to my hot blood filled ear is practically unbearable.

I put off purchasing a decent phone for years, I settled for what I soon realised was a FAKE Nokia smart phone.  The day I realised was the day I looked at my mobile screen, ''pls lock'' were the words wafting across my green shiny screen.
''PLS LOCK????''''PLS??''. Only a fool would think pls was a decent substitute for please. I then realised that my supposed Nokia battery was not a Nokia battery. BASTARDS! A fake Nokia, I tell you that hurts.

But I guess having a rubbish phone gave me sort of gave me an excuse not to talk to people over my mobile phone because it was simply too crappy a phone for that sort of thing...of course. Of course, a crappy phone basically means I am unable to call you what so ever.

What happened was, a few weeks ago I got a .... real phone *gasps*. Not to say I have any prejudice towards REAL Nokia's, but I was lucky to get an iPhone so I took my chance and soared so high I think I may have grown a centimetre or two.

That being said I now have a social responsibility to 1) accept calls and 2) to actually call people. What an exciting and adrenaline filled life I live.

Now I can say at sixteen, I live a somewhat bearable life in between phone calls and Chlamydia awareness leaflets, life could be worse...I could actually be on the phone calling a sexual health clinic about retracting chlamydia I guess (not likely to happen I must admit). However I hear that 1 in 4 teenagers have contracted Chlamydia...But I stay firmly in the 75% of the British teenage population.

As I am becoming more open to this 'life skill' I can't help but feel respect to those working in call centres.

For now,
xxxxxxx

My Paris Adventures

My summer is almost at an end, in less than a month's time I'll be at my new school which makes me want to be sick and faint with excitement and nervousness.

This summer has got to be the shortest summer I have ever had. I knew exactly what day it was everyday. I feel like I have wasted almost everyday. Despite feeling like this. I know for a fact, that this is actually not true...at all!!!

In exactly 8 days, I will receive my long awaited GCSE results. The thought of this has been dauntingly lingering over me for a while now, but now it is rapidly approaching and I feel like I want to puke. I am so terrified!! I don't want anybody to ask me about how I did nor do I really want to know how other people did....that's a lie actually, I am so sneaky, devious NOSY when it comes to grades....It's abysmal, really.

I went to Paris for a week. More like 4 days!! But twas fun. Aside from this old woman who told me that brushing my hair on the train is gross and I should brush my hair in the bathroom, it was great. The problem with France is, the expect every single person to speak French.... which is ridiculous because there are billions of tourists in France every year! Hardly anybody speaks English in France which isn't really a problem. My French skills ain't all that bad...if I may say so myself. Where am I going with this?
Ah, also there was no sink in our toilet in our hotel apartment and when we asked our French friends about it, they said that was completely normal...wtf I am glad that in England, we at least have sinks in our bathrooms. Praise the Lord. The more hygienic Lord that is.

Anyways we did all the usual stuff I suppose. Typical Tourists really, urm. It rained a lot. Not really used to rain at all to be quite frank, a fresh born baby out of Dubai and into the frost.

We went to a fantastic restaurant in Champs Eleezes it was the Paradis de fruits I think. We wet to Euro Disney, Eiffel Tower of course of course. It was marvellous. The best part though was going on holiday with people that I adore and staying in our typical beautiful hotel apartment in Champs Eleezes it was magnificent and so wonderful, I can't even describe how nostalgic it makes me to write this to be honest. Lying in a bed in France with white sheets with the windows open, overlooking some side street and opposite smoker balconies!!! I can't even describe it better than: AESTHETIC.

For now.
Hannah
xoxox

My reflection process or something like that

 I have come to the end of my GCSE's which also happens to mean I have come to the end of secondary school, which also means I am bloody moving from  my school, my wonderful not at all racist warm and lovely school....to the unknown. I'd like to think my new school will not be a racist one urm, I would die if it were, it would be too much for me to bear ( I would LITERALLY die because I think I would be a target of the I hate pakis club and even though I am actually half English, they will say nay UR FOOLING NO ONE U FRESHIE! And throw rocks and stones at me whilst I lay defenceless on the ground).

 One can only hope that they attend a school which is not racist, one can only hope.

 I have left my school which I have been at for the last 5 years - basically witnessing all my pre teen and teen years, I owe it my virgin blood and my soul (not really). But, a big part it played in my 16 years on this planet some call 'Earth'.

Sooooooooo a special tribute/ reflecting upon those last 5 years - life lessons, weird lessons, um emosh lessons and so on forth shall be listed down BELOW...(xoxo)

1. Never ever try and get chummy with your teachers. Not only does this NOT work, everyone thinks you are a twat especially the teacher.
2. Never lie about homework,just no. Just say you forgot to do it. It's less embarrassing and easier....
3. Don't do anything for the sake of a hot boy. Your life will be ruined.
4. If you see a flock of hot boys don't try and talk to them. EVER.
5. If you see a girl crying in the bathroom DON'T walk away and pretend you didn't see her so she feels less awkward, help a girl out!!
6. Never voluntarily sign up for the 1.5 k you will have to do it, there is no way out
7. Always carry sanitary towels ALWAYS
8. Always carry wipes sometimes they come in handy in the bathroom when there is no toilet paper or cleaning hands ect
9. If you don't want the whole school to know about you fancying a boy. TELL NOBODY. NO EXCEPTIONS.
10.  No, secrets don't bring you closer. They bring you closer to being subjected to ever lasting judgement.
11. Do not carry cheese in your pocket. It will melt.
12. Don't go around showing people your belly button. It's weird.
13. Do not go to the school nurse the first time you get a spot and pop it + you bleed. In fact, DO NOT pop zits EVER.
14. If ya wanna be friends with someone, just talk to them they are much nicer than you think.
15. If you bitch about anyone, hate to break it to ya but u are a bitch. kkkkk
xoxo

My articles for Reef

As of May this year, I started to write for Reef Magazine which I am/was very excited about, who wouldn't be? And during the last 3 months I have written quite a few articles. Normally, I would make a post every time I posted for Reef but, as I have written lots and lots and it has been forever since I have blogged, I decided the best thing to do was to make a 'appreciation for Hannah's work at Reef magazine' - a master post and collection of everything I have done so far!

Reef magazine isn't a published magazine, it's an online one, but that doesn't make it any less kick-arse. Its bloody fantastic to say the least. I've come to think of the other writers as my nice writing family! They are all so lovely and talented, of course everyone at Reef is marvy (if I may say so myself ;).

Some of the articles I have posted are very personal, some not so much but I am a proud writer and am (freaking) loving the writing fab lane right now especially at Reef.

Fun fact: To put my Arabic knowledge to some good use, Reef means countryside in Arabic - wow look at me aren't I the smart one eh

**********Article queueing *********** (to find the full articles click here!) These are literally just print screen shots of the articles, ha and so all of them are cut off.

Crossing off another week

It is officially 3 weeks into summer tomorrow. Most of summer has passed me in a hospital bed or recovering from not one surgery....but two. TWO BLOODY SURGERIES. Good lord. Rather chuffed though, I was however, called a ''brave girl'' for choosing an epidural rather than a full body anaesthesia, was awfully terrifying though. ''If you move Hannah, you will literally be paralysed forever (and ever) '', a thought repeatedly floating in my mind whilst a massive needle jabbed me in the spine. Lovely. 

I've been on full body anaesthesia before when I had my tonsils and adenoids removed two years ago, when I was at my prime (14!!), and I have noticed since, I have a very weird reflex to the anaesthesia...Yes it is true - I tend to cry. The thought of the fact I had been crying in front of the whole medical team after both surgeries is enough to make me want to hide in a cupboard for the rest of my life. Despite my outburst of tears, nobody was able to understand my tears which I found (really) odd and slightly lame. I am rather surprised that they had never seen anyone cry after surgery? Apparently, the most common reflex is to bite really hard and to end up damaging your teeth. Ah let me cry I was very confused and I wanted my mummy and I couldn't eat for another 5 hours, let alone be able to TASTE my food, is that not enough to make anyone want to cry, is it not?

In exactly one weeks time, I will be heading off to England....and not returning to Dubai which is making me very very nervous and very frightened. To be honest, I absolutely am in love with Dubai - everything about it is perfect (almost perfect) to me, the people, oh the people, yes I must admit do need a bit of a reality check but no one cares here, we can unite in our little snobby bubble of cheese bread and money (£££££) and still be very content with our lives.

Also if you don't believe me about the snobbishness...once my mum was chatting to this lady about the usual - school, lazy husbands and what not - and the lady then asked her, quite suddenly and randomly, what car she had and how many bedrooms there are in her home.

Top tip: when approached by a Jumeirah Jane Mummy: Always say you have a small silver Peugeot and a two bedroom flat, there is a 79% chance they will never talk to you again but it's ok...ain't no time for gold diggers!

Tomorrow, I get my stitches out of my nose, hurrah! Very much looking forward to that because I have had to resort to mouth breathing for the last week, you simply cannot imagine how much a struggle eating at a restaurant without the ability to breathe through your mouth is....it's really mank to say the least. Sucks like flat coke at room temperature, that's how much.

Not sure what I am supposed to be doing with this summer, I don't think watching back to back episodes of ''About a Boy'' (freaking hilarious to say the least though) and feeling sorry for myself about the pain my surgeries has caused me....is what I should be doing.

I am making it a personal goal to spend the last 6 days (today I shall not commit to this goal because I am in pain and STILL breathing from my mouth, Nay...I shall commence tomorrow), to be exceedingly productive.

1. To get off my bum and exercise in the evenings, its Ramadan so I can't work out in the mornings or afternoons but I must try to pump some lifts or whatever ha

2. Make myself a facial everyday consisting of lemon, rosewater and almond oil

3. Write lots of articles and save them and post them through out the year for various magazines

4. Achieve the ultimate goal: To be a permanent writing staff at Rookie magazine (my fav mag in the whole entire world) 

5. Be kind + generous + patient

6. Do some MOOC courses for extra credit love

7. Keep on track of my praying and religious stuff (ramadan after all)

8. To keep diary writing 

9. To meet friends 3 times before I leave D:

10. To not go on the computer as much on social media, random Google searches, watching TV/films

11. Tidy room, de clutter and organise everything like a mega boss.

And with that I shall leave you to get on with the summer goals.

Cheers
Hannah
ps: I do hope you are having a marvy summer, if not make some goals and turn it around!

xoxo

It has been a crazy few months

Well well, I don't really know where to begin. In my last blog post 3 months ago that is, I decided that I would no longer make blog posts of the fear people at my school might read my fairly unpopular, semi-lame, semi-weird blog I run. So being me, I decided to put everything on private and never say a word on here again. And instead, decided to express myself through short vague weird text posts on my oh so favourite website: TUMBLR.

But I miss the real kind of blogging and I'm back and I enjoy blogging and...and...and...well I hope you still love me because I certainly have a lot to share.

Ok so firstly, I know you've been LONGING to hear, yes yes, I have finished my exams....how wonderfully marvy, it has been so hectic, many stressful nights and carbs taking a toll on my skin...but nonetheless, GCSES can kiss my arse because....never again do I have to prepare myself mentally and assure myself that I may possibly still find a husband if I fail this exam, it is not the end of the world. Never again do I have to see the words: GCSE EXAM as I walk through the examination centre room. Nay, all I have left is too long bloody years of sixth form in dismal England.......cry for me.....Are you crying for me?

I had my prom, wow, Prom is the most overrated piece of crap I have ever endured. Lord knows. But..I did have fun (lots), and the food was life changing, Oh yes, they had ravioli and lemon mirangue tarts - and ain't nobody like that crap more than I do!!! NOBODY. So yes, I had a fun time at the buffet. My dress? Yes yes, a wonderful black cut out short dress with silver embroidery, classy classy rest assured, sexy sexy (not at all). But, it was a lot of photos. It was basically photos. And chatting. No dancing. Not that my extremely uncomfortable heels could really support my feet as I stomped around, bum jiggled, boobs jiggling, tum juggling - everything jiggling including my ankle cartilage before it snaps off and I collapse to the floor with screams and tears, poor poor Hannah they would say, as the paramedics rush to me and try to save what is left off my 400dhs Steve Madden heels.

Um, it is summer, and also I have a surgery tomorrow, apparently I have chronic ulsers so, this is going to be a fun week, isn't it? Plans for summer, England possibly Paris POSSIBLY...but I am going to really enjoy 'my' city before I literally jet off to England.

I have absolutely no idea what I am doing with any aspect of my life, feeling very lost 98% of the time, but at least I have wi-fi.

Good night
Hannah

''You don't seem very quiet''

I woke up this morning, dazed but rather smiley as per usual. And found myself on tumblr, because it was 8am on a Friday (which is the start of the weekend in Dubai), and what else are you supposed to first thing? Instead of the morning run, I swore by the night before, I found myself staring blankly at an anonymous message or an 'anon' I should say rather. So, dubiously I replied to it, finding myself wanting to pour my heart out.

''You don't seem very quiet'' the message said.

Ah, instead out of all I wanted to say, I decided to settle with ''I can't agree with you xx' .
Which isn't wrong, I 100% stand by what I said...To me, I seem the most pathetic most awkward human being too ever have existed 75% of the time, the other 25% of time I remember that I am a 16 year old who can make herself look cute sometimes....haha. But, this lead me onto a huge string of thoughts for the whole day. I am not completely perplexed as to why someone would say this to me, but a little surprised. It's quite funny really.

 In my school report I received I got the most bizarre mixture of comments from my teachers. Half of my subject teachers have mentioned that I am 'quiet' but despite this (insinuating that being quiet is in fact, something undesirable), I am STILL hard-working. Which honestly, makes me so mad, it makes my blood boil. Why is it, that being quiet is seen as something bad...something that we should try and change about ourselves? Being quiet by no means, means that you lack confidence or that you are not outgoing. You can be outgoing and quiet! Many people assume that if you are quiet...you are shy. In the same way being shy and not being confident or two different things as well. If you are shy, you are nervous/timid in the presence of others...if you lack confidence, you feel insecure and uncomfortable which can lead you to be shy BUT they are two different things. And it irks me that lacking confidence and being shy are associated with being quiet. I think its awful that quiet people get so much crap about being quiet and that they are told they are shy and not confident....this in turn, can make someone shy and lack confidence!!! I think being quiet is lovely and should be cherished by people all over the world. Why should we all conform and be 'loud'. WHY? Why is this the'best' kind of personality.

In my opinion, 'quiet' people are still confident, and have opinions and aren't afraid to express them. They can answer questions in class....talk to people. But, they don't feel the need to talk for the sake of talking.

I am a quiet person, and I am well bloody proud of it. To hell with everyone who thinks otherwise. I am bloody pleased with the person I am. I am proud of the fact that I am quiet, yes I probably do lack a bit of confidence but that by no means makes me 'less' social. I am a social person, I can talk to strangers, it's a bit awkward at times, but I do try and can make an effort. And maybe I am not the best at making friends? I do have a few that I love very much. But I think I am nice, and I can shut my mouth and not throw tantrums in the middle of classes.

Why do people find it okay to criticise people's personality,things that are not 'bad' things, that are not harming anyone. IT IRKS TO THE POINT I WANT TO SCREAM FOR A MILLION YEARS. NO I NEVER WANT TO BE 'LOUD'. I WANT TO BE QUIET, JOLLY, OUTGOING AND HAPPY....BUT CERTAINLY NOT LOUD.

I never want to talk for the sake of talking, I don't want to talk when I don't want to and I certainly DON'T WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE I DON'T WANT AND WHEN I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY.

I am what people to be 'loud' with my friends and my family, immediate family I should state, but really I am just being myself, because I love them and because I know them and because I have things in common with them and I feel happy and safe and I am sure anyone else would be too.

Quiet people can still be outgoing. I AM STILL OUTGOING. Loud people can be STILL BE sad, lonely and annoying. SO NO I WILL NOT CHANGE MYSELF BECAUSE TEACHERS THINK I SHOULD OR THAT PEOPLE THINK I SHOULD OR ANYONE THINKS I SHOULD.

I like who I am. And I am quiet and I can be 'loud' at times, but I am not a loud person. I probably never will be...I don't feel comfortable being 'loud'....I'm just me really. I'm quite ordinary and I'm very VERY happy with that. I'm not dumb, I know I do have to love myself more than I do and work on my confidence, but I do not appreciate anyone telling me that I need to be 'louder' thank-you very much.